adieu.

keats wrote a poem called “ode to melancholy"”:

she dwells with beauty—beauty that must die;

  and joy, whose hand is ever at his lips

bidding adieu; and aching pleasure nigh,

  turning to poison while the bee-mouth sips:

ay, in the very temple of delight

  veil’d melancholy has her sovran shrine,

though seen of none save him whose strenuous tongue

  can burst joy’s grape against his palate fine;

his soul shall taste the sadness of her might,

  and be among her cloudy trophies hung.

My state of being these last few days has been nothing short of melancholic. Beauty that must die. i keep telling myself that feeling this way means i've truly loved, have truly lived. i hold onto that as leaving Paris is even more brutal than i'd ever imagined. 

When i applied for the program in Paris, i wrote my entry essay about the connections we humans make to places (ap human geography anyone?). i wrote about how each individual gains a unique sense of place and how that sense of place shapes their life. 

i returned to thinking over this topic today, as i spent the afternoon alone visiting all of my favorite places, trying hard to soak in every sight, sound, touch, and smell of the city. How has my sense of place, of Paris, shaped my life? 

While in Paris, i carried around a petit cahier to jot down whatever whenever. On one of the pages i wrote down "subtle change". That's all, subtle change. The thought came to me that my subtle change, gained from my sense of Paris, is my range of emotion, of feeling more alive than ever.

melancholy -- an emotion of strangely sweet sadness upon realizing (or, i might add, feeling) the state of something very truly beautiful.

i feel as though i have burst  joy’s grape against my palate fine;

and now my soul tastes the sadness of melancholy's might.

i have felt such intense joy here,

la joie de vivre,

she dwells with beauty.

Perhaps not such a subtle change after all.

we will become silhouettes

in pictures.

Roma

Firenze

 Sienna

“It is fate that I am here, but you can call it Italy if it makes you less unhappy.”--George Emerson

Listen to this.

Or this, if you want a bit more culture. 

Then, watch this.

Florence is one of the most beautiful cities i've ever visited. After a long car ride from Rome, Claire and i made our way to the Arno river to read for a few hours while dad visited a museum (Claire and i were in need of a break after getting lost in the Vatican museum for four hours, a story for another time). I've come to realize that for me the best way to spend in Europe is on the bank of a river. We watched teenage boys training for crew and two old men who punted along. We wondered why we were the only non-Italians there. It wasn't until we left that we realized we were accidentally trespassing, but the woman who owned the land was nice and helped us get out of the locked gate. 

Today we went to the Duomo cathedral with dad and then went to see the David. Claire and got yelled at by some gypsies whose picture i took. Scary. We got outta there fast. We also went to the Lindt store to eat some chocolate before getting lunch at McDonalds. After a week of only italian food, we were so happy. Dad, however, refused to order anything. His loss i guess. 

Tomorrow we're off to the Tuscan countryside (Sienna and Pisa)...and then...Paris!!!!!

this is how we do in Rome

On top of Capitol Hill i.e. where Brutus killed Caesar 

famille.

They got here! And now i have someone to sing with in the car and speak to in an Indian accent. We spent the day going from medieval town to medieval town, getting lost a lot and asking for directions a lot. More pics to come!

ka chiiing (ala grace kelly/monte carlo)

this is the only photo i took in monaco, and it doesn't do it justice. 

We spent the day visiting Grace Kelly's grave, eating overpriced gelato, and sitting on a dock in the  Mediterranean.

beautiful victory.

{school assignment}

The name Nice comes from the Greek word ‘Nike’ meaning victory. In French, Nice is known as Nice la Belle.

Nice is a different world than the hustle and bustle of Paris and the pastoral atmosphere of Bretagne and Normandy. Familiar yet altogether foreign, sometimes resembling Southern California with hints of French and Italian culture, Nice is a nice (haha. Funny) repose and adventure all at once. And now I feel like I’m starting to sound too much like Rick Steve. Hmmm…I should be concerned.

In the last week, I went to church at the most welcoming ward I’ve yet to visit, swam in the Mediterranean, made friends with seven-year-old Nicole from Yorkshire while collecting beach glass, ate gelato, watched the moon rise, with the sounds of Arabic music in the background, and explored the flower/produce/flea markets in Old Town.

Nice la Belle.

For class, we were required to visit a Chagall and Matisse museum, Old Nice, a castle that is really just a hill with an amazing view, and a Russian Orthodox Cathedral. So, after church on Sunday, we first made our way over to the Matisse museum. The best part about this museum was the building itself, which was red stucco with turquoise shutters. Paris is composed of all neutrals. Nice pops with color, just like the paintings of Matisse. That is why he moved here, for the color. The Chagall museum felt like a dream. Psychologically explorative, sometimes disturbing, sometimes whimsical, sometimes ephemeral, Chagall truly captures the complexities of humanity. The next day, Melissa, Heather, and I finished the rest of our assignments, beginning with the Russian Orthodox Cathedral. There is Russian presence here in Nice, as the Czar and his family used to vacation here to escape the brutal cold of St. Petersburg. Unfortunately, the Cathedral is currently undergoing renovations and is closed to the public. But we still enjoyed peering through the gates at the domed spires and vivid colors that are so different from anything you can find in the U.S. After we winded our way through Old Nice, loosing ourselves in the small alleyways and dead ends. I imagine that this part of the city resembles Italy and I particularly loved all of the pastel facades of the buildings. The smells of fish and pizza and the sounds of lilting accents and seagulls made it a sensory experience.  Ensuite, we took an elevator up to the top of a precipice that overlooks the entire city. Breathtaking and soul-expanding.

Also, my friend Heather (who took the photo of me on the side reading by the castle) did a photo shoot with Melissa and I in Paris if you want to check out the photos:

http://passthefrenchtoast.blogspot.fr/2012/06/photoshoot.html

could've been a princess

Angers

Langeais

Azay

Chemonceau

Ambeoise

 Blois

Chambord

7 castles

3 days

and yes. i did listen to princess of china. coldplay has a song for everything. 

Each chateau had it's own element of uniqueness. But i'll admit, i don't feel the need to see another castle again for a very very long time. After a while they all seemed to blur. One castle reminded me of Cinderella. Another, Chambord, of Lady Catherine deBourgh's house Rosings. But more than literary and film allusions, i loved imagining the lives of the people who walked through and lived in these castles. In Blois there was a room full of hidden cabinets that i loved. In Chemonceau, there were vaulted ceilings with pine rafters. Definitely where Danielle de Barbaraque would've lived. At Ambeoise, Charles VIII hit his head and died (as we talked about at every castle). At Langeais, the same Charles VIII secretly married Anne de Bretagne. Both of them were short, Charles with a hooked nose and Anne with a ski-jump nose. After he his head, Anne remarried her true love Louis something and lived happily ever after. See, fairy tales really do come true.

i capture the castle.

In the past few days, i have seen more castles than i can count. i prefer these smaller chateaux to the grand palaces of Versaille and Fontainebleau. They feel so much more preserved, a little less touched and off the beaten path. i love the gardens, the paintings, the spiral staircases. But most of all, i love...

the royals.

Quelle suprise, n'est-ce pas?

i like studying the royal family because i love stories, especially true stories. Their stories are full of suspense, intrigue, romance, infamy. So fun.

At each castle, i have taken a small notebook and written while sitting on a crumbling wall or beneath an archway. i like to pretend that i'm Cassandra Mortmain, trying to capture the moment as she captures her castle.

if France has taught me nothing else, i think that i have learned the beauty of a moment. All it takes is a little effort to capture it. 

laissez-moi de vous émerveiller

hier

Yesterday i spent Memorial Day at Omaha and Utah beaches in Normandy. It was a surreal experience to be at the site where history changed on the day where we remember the sacrifices of those men who accomplished that change. i should've realized that the day was going to be rough when i began crying in line to get our tickets. To be honest, it all started when i saw the English channel for the first time. Luckily, I have great friends who understand my quirky obsession with England and helped to calm me down.

 I spent the afternoon wandering around the beach and American Cemetery and cried a few more times. The coast there is so calm and so peaceful right now that it is hard to imagine that it was once the site of a huge battle. But that touched me almost more than anything, the cycle of renewal.

aujourd'hui

Mont Saint Michel was magical. i realize that i use that word a lot to describe France. But really, it does it the most justice. France isn't just beautiful or wonderful or impressive. It is all of those things but has an element of magic to it that words can't describe. Mont Saint Michel might be the most beautiful place i've ever experienced in my life. Darian and i put poppies in our hair and sang "Castle on a Cloud" from Les Mis. We lost track of time frolicking in the fields so that we nearly missed our tour, but luckily we made it. The whole time it was difficult to keep from quoting Harry Potter and Ever After.

When we finally made it to the top of the village, several nuns and monks were singing in the chapel at the top and i got shivers. The city is so ancient and so out of a story book. i loved running my hands over the walls and imagining the millions of people who have done likewise.

After, we left Normandie for the coast of Bretagne. Et voila! The English Channel! All to myself! i ran as fast as i could down the foggy beach, ran up to my knees in the water, and put my face straight in to kiss it. i was so happy that i was laughing uncontrollably...and some people call me crazy.

au revoir

i've been listening to this all day long while packing/doing homework. it's called "farewell" and will forever be my own farewell song to Paris. 

Tonight Melissa and I said our goodbyes to the city of lights with our roommate Julia and madame et monsieur. We walked around Ile de la Cité and ate pear ice cream. The sky was pink, and i felt like i was truly seeing la vie en rose as the pink light bounced off of the Seine and buildings. I asked Monsieur why they've always lived in Paris and he replied, "Paris gains a place in your heart that nothing can ever replace." I'd have to agree with him.

i'm glad the french don't have a word for goodbye, just for until we see each other again. That is how i feel tonight, my last night living in Paris. This is only the beginning of Paris for me. Gertrude Stein once said "America is my country and Paris is my hometown." While six weeks doesn't leave me with much claim on this city, I will always feel that way. I will carry Paris with me wherever I go for the rest of my life, jusqu'au revoir. 

merci paris, je t'aime beaucoup. 

 





 

mais moi, je vais seule*

i've been wanting to do a day in Paris all by myself for a while. So yesterday, after class, i said my goodbyes to my friends and decided to let serendipity be my guide. i will always remember yesterday as one of the best days of my life.

With just thoughts to accompany me, i spent the day writing in a notebook. Here are some excerpts of what i wrote:

café bonaparte

where i ate lunch

"So begins mon jour seul. i am sitting at le bonaparte in the 6e arrondissement, l'église de St. Germain to my left, and a jazz piano/sax duo across the street to serenade me. This is the area in which Fitzgerald and Hemingway wrote and i feel a bit as if i've stepped back in time. 

They say all roads lead to paris. i certainly hope so."

gaspacho+coke+dorian gray+notepad

trocadero 

bug in the corner?

 "Eating lauderée pistahio ice cream+macaroon that I i got after buying nail polish at Chanel. i have a feeling i will never feel so chic as i do in this moment.

Two boys and their little brother are rollerblading next to me. They are talking about all of the tourists, unaware that i can speak French. i love this paris, the one where the cliché mixes with the every day life."

{homework assignment below}

i bought my nail polish at Galarie Lafayette near les Grands Boulevards. This area of town is very posh and is impressive. There is a reason that the streets in this area are called the grand boulevards, with the wide roads and trees lining the sides. When i went into Chanel, i felt like i was in a very good movie with lots of posh people doing posh things. On this walk, we were also required to go to Opera Garnier. For those of you who know me, you'll know that one of my greatest fears is the Phantom of the Opera. Irrational, yes. It terrifies me all the same. So it took some coaxing to get me near l'Opera. The building was beautiful, which i begrudgingly admitted. And there really is a lake underneath the building. i hope i don't have nightmares.

tuilerie

not doing my homework

 "i'm sitting in tuilerie, along with about a million other tourists. i'm trying to do homework, but failing miserably. A young french couple sits across from me. He has a pony tail, she has a bob. He went to throw something away and she watched the whole time, a huge smile on her face. A mom is teaching her little girl how to walk, prompting her with 'marche, marche.' The little girl is laughing and kicking at the sand. An elderly couple is playing chess across the way, a woman is cuddling (yes, cuddling) with her dog, and a boy just asked for a girl's number next to me. 

Love is so relative. It's types are numberless. How amazing that in this city of millions of stories, each person means something to someone. 

Paris really is the city of love."

little girl who was learning to walk

 the seine

"Here i am, on the sidewalk on the left bank, across the street from le palais de justice. Today the Seine is a pea-green color, and while some might think it looks dirty, to me it is one of the most beautiful sights in the world.

i've wanted more than anything for Paris to change me. Standing here, i realize that i won't go home a completely different person because i am who i am. But, i hope that i'll return a bit wiser, a bit more centered, a bit more refined. 

Oh how i'll miss this. i wish that i could stand her in definitely and live for ever. Or, in the words of John Keats, "swoon to death." i've found bits of myself here that i never knew existed. How impossible it would be to not leave some of my heart here in return. 

 This feeling is not over dramatic or overwhelming. It simply resides within me. And i will never be the same for it in the most subtle of ways."

le quartier latin

"i simply love it here. i love the way the bells play at Notre Dame. i love the way someone always seems to play the accordion or ragtime music. i can make more sense of the world, can see more beauty."

flower shop

la tour eiffel

"End of the day, back in my apartment. Everything about today was perfect. At seven, i made my way over to école militaire where i met up with Darian, Amanda, Heather, Julia, Macord and Melissa for dinner. 

After dinner, Heather, Melissa, Macord, and i went to the top of le tour eiffel. it was one of the best experiences of my life. When the twinkle lights came on, the crowds of people beneath at trocadero and champs de mars all sighed in unison and then cheered. i felt so much humanity in that shared moment with people from every corner of the world.

When we got to the top, after a terrifying elevator ride in which i almost fainted, i finally got over my fear of heights and went straight to the edge. My paris was sprawled out beneath me, like a treasure trove or a maze for mice. i stuck in my headphones and listened to hymn à l'amour. When she sings "dieu reunit ceux qui s'aiment" my vision blurred and i realized that that moment meant so much to me because of the love i have experienced in my life. No matter where i am, it is the love in my life that lends meaning and beauty. It is the people who make a place. And since i have loved my friends here in Paris, Paris will always mean that much more to me." 

* from this song

Amelie has a strange feeling of absolute harmony. It's a perfect moment. A soft light, a scent in the air, the quiet murmur of the city. A surge of love, an urge to help mankind overcomes her.

{while this has nothing whatsoever to do with the picture, spring has finally arrived here in Paris!}

Marie-Antoinette: This is ridiculous. Comtesse de Noailles: This, Madame, is Versailles.

Heather, Melissa, Macord, and I made our way back to Versailles after class yesterday. With blue skies to cheer us up, we spent a lovely afternoon laying in the flower fields at Marie Antoinette's hamlet. She created this faux-village as a sort of play house to which she could escape and throw make-believe parties. As for the chateau, my opinion improved upon experiencing the grounds. I've never seen something so regal in my life, nor do I think I will again. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm not at disneyland, that what I'm seeing is real. I've never had so many moments of unbelief as I've had here in France, nor have I had so many moments of magic. 

Less than a week left in Paris, and then I'm off to see the rest of La Belle France!